Caring for the outsider

It was tragic news to read this week of the suicide of 16 year old American transgender teen, Taylor Alesana. Taylor had made a name for herself on YouTube where she posted makeup tutorials and spoke of intense cyberbullying and the loneliness she experienced because of her gender identity

This story and others like it are sadly, not rare, but occur with disturbing frequency as the ‘outsider’ struggles to find connection to the ‘inside’ when hampered by a personal attribute that separates them from others all too easily. Nor is it just emotional teenagers, but also older people who fight the loneliness and the ‘square peg in a round hole’ syndrome all their lives before finally giving up.  It is not always suicide, but also sometimes withdrawal from life and existing in the devastating emotional desert that ‘plays it safe’, but is in fact a slow ride to nowhere.

For some adult babies, stuck with highly regressive needs and drives, the situation is disturbingly similar. A recent TV show – “15 stone babies” – heard one AB talk of his consideration of suicide and how others he knew had actually taken their own lives. We have also spoken with people in similar situations including giving up on their marriages and families all because the drive to become a baby was so strong and so unmet, that they could take it no longer.

Some of us are stronger than others.  Some can survive the pain. Some are fortunate enough to have support of a partner or family which makes it all so much easier to handle. But many do not.

Today, we stand with the families and friends of those who have succumbed to the awful horror of being ‘different’ in a society that does not really tolerate difference. Today, we pledge to be just that little more tolerant and accepting of those who through no fault of themselves, find themselves stuck outside the communal definition of ‘normal’.

Be they gay, transgender, lesbian or adult baby, we will strive to make it just that little bit easier and to even perhaps save the lives of another Taylor Alesana.


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My baby girl’s bonnets!


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I love to knit and I appreciate my baby girl’s need for authentic baby attire. She does love baby booties and bonnets as it reflects her young infant regressed age. I thought I would share photos of three bonnets I made her.

I will be making more for here now that winter is nearly here as well as some booties. She loves them and I love how happy and content they make her.


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The sacred trust…

For a few, being ‘outed’ as an Adult Baby is not big deal and some even flaunt it. However, that is a very small minority and for most, having other people know of their ‘Little’ is a fear and something to be avoided at all costs. The only real exception to that is the spouse or partner who probably should know and be understanding, even if not involved.

But a few days ago one of our more regular contacts emailed to say that his wife had shared his ‘baby side’ with another person. He was naturally, deeply hurt. It has happened before to others and sometimes it was well-intentioned and for others, a deliberate act designed to hurt. I do not know the reasoning behind this particular incident, but it is not a rare event. Every other week, the spouse or partner, a family member or friend who has come to know of that very special – and secret – side of someone’s life, tells someone else who has no business knowing about it.

Being an Adult Baby is not just a secret. It is not simply a fetish or a kink. It is part of life and for some, a very demanding and overwhelming one. To tell another without permission is more than being indiscreet. It is more than over-sharing or gossiping. It is breaking a sacred trust.

Adult Babies desperately need to share their inner nature, needs and emotions with someone they love and trust. That trust must be respected and honoured.

And so for everyone who reads this and knows an adult baby personally, remember that what you have is more precious than an intimate secret. It is a Sacred Trust

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Our new website!!! AB Discovery!!!


Well… the stranger (ie me!) returns!!!  Not that I have been sitting around doing nothing and especially neither has Michael.

We have just launched our new website – – which is going to deliver quality learning material about Adult Babies and regression. As many of you will know from our book  – which is now three years old this month (boy does time fly!) – we are very passionate about helping Adult Babies in their quest for not just enjoyment and happiness, but the more important experience of balance, peace and relationship.

To this end Michael and I have launched the first of our downloadable series – The Three-sided Nature of Diaper Attraction – which describes how diaper fetish, age play and regression interact and lays the foundation for our future sessions. Over the next  little while we will be addressing regression in great detail, helping ABs find some understanding as well as balance and security.

We will be putting together a video and booklet for the spouses and partners of Adult Babies and finally help them to answer the question “What the %&^$ is this diaper thing?” when confronted by it.

Take a look and let us know what you think!

Rosalie and Michael Bent

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The Ultimate Destination

Over the years I have begun to see a marked discrepancy between how adult babies live and behave and how they call themselves. Adult BABIES and yet much of the play and dressing is more related to toddlers than babies or infants.

But I am beginning to see and understand this more thru the eyes of my own baby girl. Most regressive babies act out their baby needs on their own and infancy requires a parent or carer for it to work or be genuine.  And so. A compromise happens when the regressive baby acts more like the semi – independent toddler who can dress themself, feed themself and change their own nappy. It is a compromise between what is really wanted and needed and what is actually possible.

When a regressive has a parent willing and able to give them full dependent parenting we start to see the age of behaviours drop until they fit easily into the genuine infant and not toddler range.

It may not be true for all but perhaps for many, the ultimate destination of regression is very young infancy and only the restrictions of real life stands in the way. It may also explain some of the frustration s of some who feel their ‘baby time’ is not completely meeting their needs.

Just a thought. ..

We are still here…

I am not the best or most frequent blogger, but I am still here as is my baby daughter. We are still emailing a lot of babies and their partners and we see so much happening in so many lives. Some is good and some is bad.

I have seen Joanne more completely and begun to realise just how truly infantile she is. Rather than being a 3yo toddler, she is around 12 months and often not even that old. I am in the process of changing her baby clothes to be more age appropriate – that of a very young infant. She has gone to bottle feeds and now to formula. My surprise was how well she took to it and how she is so so babyish when being fed.

I wonder how many adult babies if given the chance would regress right back to sub 12month infancy?

Joanne continue s to explore her infancy and it is still full of surprises. Wet nappies are as natural as breathing and her bladder incontinence is near total and very babyish.

Good to be back.  Stay in touch everyone. Let us know how you are getting on.


When it all goes wrong…

In the past few weeks I have received a couple of emails from people who have referred to their regression as an affliction or as a stumbling block. While we prefer not to think of being regressive as a disorder or an affliction or any other such negative terms, it is also true that sometimes it can still be exactly that.

My baby is one of those deeply regressive children who throughout his life has had moments where the infant overwhelms the adult, sometimes to the extent that the adult almost ceases to be for a short period of time.

Just like any behaviour, AIR (Adult Infantile Regression) is not intrinsically wrong nor a dysfunction, but it does need to be kept in perspective and in balance with the rest of life. What we do for Joanne is to give her regular measured baby times every day as well as occasional more expansive times of infantile experience. And now that she is in cloth nappies and baby plastic pants 24/7 there is always an infantile aspect in operation in her daily life. As many of you know, we also maintain a parent/child relationship where part of our dynamic involves me being a mother and her being a baby. All these things combine to take the sting out of regression. The regression is perhaps more common but it is shallower and more enjoyable. And in return I get a child that is much happier, far less stressed and pretty much in balance. And the irony is that in dealing with the infant’s needs, the adult is far more capable as well as more content.

But like all recipes, you sometimes cook up a disaster and you never really know why. So it was for us a couple weeks ago.

Joanne was happy and content and her infantile needs were being well met. Then one overnight there was a storm. My little three year old is terrified of wind and storms at night and so we had night-time tears, fear and when morning came, there was just a scared little infant in bed and the adult was as far away as he has ever been.  Joanne was thoroughly and irredeemable regressed and she would not and could not grow up. We had plans for that day. Adult plans. They were cancelled as there was no adult there – just an infant behaving at her youngest age level of 12 months old. The photo I have posted was of her playing with her two dollies, Alice and Cinderella and I took it because it typifies who she is and how I so often see her.

My 12month old baby daughter at her deepest regression

My 12month old baby daughter at her deepest regression

It was a difficult day. It was the deepest regression and it was difficult to communicate with her beyond limited baby talk or gestures. By evening she was communicating better but the following morning there she was again, very little and quite regressed. I felt like we were still back in the nursery level.

It took two full days for her to really return back to her place of balance and peace and I am reminded again that just as in the parenting of physical children, you can do all the right things and still get bad things happen. Joanne is normally a delightful and happy child when regressed and it is an exciting and happy time for her and for me. But those two days were difficult for us both because for at least one of those days, we had lost control over the regression.

I know some of you have similar experiences and it frustrates you.  I still believe in the parent/child relationship and in its power to heal difficult circumstances, to save marriages and to bring order to disorder. But like everything else in our lives, sometimes it all just goes wrong…

The need for authenticity

After a long period of time you sometimes get to see things that you thought you already understood quite well – and perhaps did in part – but now you see much more clearly. I’ve always known how important it was to my baby – Joanne – that she be authentic in her expression of babyness. My head saw the logic in dressing up as a baby and playing with baby toys when she felt like a baby inside. That made sense to me. But I see now how it is much more than just that. It is not just important for the baby to be authentic, but for others to see them as authentic infants. And what do I mean by this term ‘authentic’?

My baby is always a baby. She is never not a baby. For a lot of the time her adultness covers up that babyness – at least to most people – but I still see that baby there almost all the time. Sometimes in words or actions or other times in the nuances of body language that gives away the truth that underneath the adult exterior beats the heart of a 3 year old baby girl. So what is authenticity to mean if the only time Joanne is a baby is in those moments when work, family and general life permits it? If she is always a baby then she should be authentically so as well – all the time. Problem… simply not practical in the openly baby sense.

Joanne has transitioned to cloth nappies now and disposables are just for emergencies and for travelling. It was when we did this that I started to see her real need for 24/7 authentic infancy in a world that doesn’t really permit it. We bought Dependeco velcro fitted nappies from ebay (which are awesome by the way) and they are all covered in various infant, girly patterns. She looks great in them but more importantly feels great in them. Even under day clothes out in public she is wearing a nappy. Not just any old nappy such as an adult disposable but an infant’s nappy. It is styled and operates just like an infant’s nappy and other then the size they are just that. She certainly seems very happy in them.  We are a fan of the website because of a lot of things, but one in particular is the attitude to authenticity that they exude. They have no pretence whatsoever that they sell adult incontinence wear. As the site name implies they sell baby wear but in adult size. I am particularly impressed with their Baby Pants Label on their products and the rationale behind it . To quote them: The Baby Pants label should face out in the back to prevent irritating tender skin. The label is your assurance that your baby is wearing genuine Baby Pants diapers and not an adult product. These diapers are exactly the same product we sell parents of small babies but sized for your big baby. You can be proud that your baby wears genuine Baby Pants diapers.”

My girl also has their nappies and plastic pants and when hanging on the clothes-line are clearly baby nappies. She has some frilly plastic pants and would love to wear frillies all the time (not going to happen!!). Because she can wear these under day clothes she can still be an authentic  baby girl even when in adult mode in public. She wears onesies all the time, but now they are baby ones with a baby label even if only she and I know the difference.

I’ve watched her at home when she is fully dressed as a baby girl and seen the transformation that takes place. She is at her happiest and most secure and stress free when dressed as an infant girl from head to toe. But thanks to a better understanding of her need to be a baby all the time, products like the above mentioned ones help her identify with her inner self all the time instead of those times when she can be all baby. In essence, it is less about what these products are, but rather what they openly proclaim to be – baby wear. And in a more general sense, the key to our parent/child relationship is that I understand and accept that she is a baby girl – all the time.

She is an authentic three year old baby girl.

A special baby birthday!

Earlier this year, I thought it was time to celebrate a facet of our relationship that we had never done before.  Joanne’s birthday.  Without her involvement, I decided that the 21st of September was to become her special 3rd birthday.

I’ve attached the photos of before and after opening presents, but they were only for her at the age of three.  Each year on the 21st of September will be Joanne’s special day.

I’m sure I hear some of you ask why.  Why do this for someone who already has a birthday?  Why turn a random day into your child’s birthday?  Why not just use their actual birthday and have this side story as well?

To me the answer was simple.  Here was my daughter who needed to be acknowledged as my daughter.  Not as my husband, play acting as someone else.  To be acknowledged.  The most obvious first step was to choose a significant milestone, and what better milestone to choose than her birthday?

And so, from this year forward, this will be a day we both recognise and acknowledge Joanne turning three.  She will always be turning three, so I will have to be very imaginative with my gifts over the years, but what a great problem to have.  It’s not because I have to, but because I choose to.

This was my way of saying, “I see you”, and truly see the little girl.  It was my way of identifying her as unique and individual, just as we see those around us as unique and individual.  She is different to Michael.  She is an individual, with her own ideas, thoughts and characteristics.  She is not Michael, she is Joanne.

I’ve found that many adults have unhappy memories of their birthday from over the years.  To them this particular day may epitomise all the unhappy and dissatisfied moments of their lives.  This day was the day they were born into a dysfunctional or abusive family.  There is an old saying, you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.  This is a saying full of emotion.  We have choices with our friends – who we let into our lives and who we exclude, for whatever reason.  The same cannot be said about our family.  We have them, whether we want them or not. The good, the bad and the ugly.   Every family have some who will fit into each of these categories, but some families have way too many who we would class as “bad” or “ugly”.  Joanne doesn’t have these really in her adult family, but maybe you do.  Perhaps you would like to have a new birthday that will declare to yourself and those around you who know your other self, that this day will say to the world, I will not be dictated to by my ‘natural’ family.  I will be allowed to become the person I should always be.

And so, Joanne and I enjoyed a very special day, just for her.  Maybe you should have a new birthday too, just because you can!  What a wonderful day to celebrate this part of you that is unique, special and beautiful.  What a wonderful way to shake off some old hurtful memories and replace them with joy, laughter and a bright and happy vista.

Here’s to you everyone: Happy Birthday!


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